New Year - New Hopes

I don't even know how many people even read this thing anymore. I've been so bad about updating, I'd imagine not very many. But at any rate, I figured while I had a spare 30 minutes at work (which is highly atypical), I'd post a little update.

Work is quiet for once, which is nice and I've actually been off quite a bit over the holidays. My family was all in town for a visit which was quite nice. We got to just hang out a lot. Drank a bit, ate a lot. It was nice. I even got to spend some very good 1:1 time with my older brother and I was touched by the deeper connection we shared this visit. We have always gotten along, but as we get older, our relationship continues to deepen which is very nice. My mom was a little more relaxed than her visit last year, she had shed a few pounds, looked great, was in good spirits and seemed to just really enjoy herself moreso which was a joy to see as well.

My bro and sis-in-law bagged 12/20, my mom 12/23 and my bro and his partner 12/24, leaving me all alone to tend to my pup and their two as well. Their successful co-mingling is recent and makes it possible for us to watch the dogs for each other and also if I'm going to just hang out a bit at theirs, then I can bring Chucklet along and she gets to see some peeps and pups too. It's a win-win as far as I'm concerned.

As you might well imagine, it was a bike-y christmas for me - I got some really cool stuff all the way around, from butt butter, to really cool safety lights (Frogs), a Camelbak (<-- link), sport/cycling sunglasses (with interchangeable lenses!!), a new jersey, rad socks, etc. And I got some cabbage too, which for me is never a wrong answer.

Things with the guy are still really great as well. He's been off work this whole week and we turned a Monday cook-dinner-and-spend-the-night date into a sort of 2-day mini no-travel escape. We hung out at my brother/his partner's beautiful home, cooked, watched movies, had Christmas morning breakfast treats at my sis-in-laws' house, shopped sales a little bit and just shared the largest amount of time together continuously that we ever have to date. He brought me gifts (not necessary but so generous!!) that were sweet and thoughtful. It really felt like we were on a mini vacay together - a bit like paradise only without the beaches and sunsets. :) I enjoy him and our time together SOOOO much. And for once in my life, I'm taking it at the right speed. It still feels weird to be going "slowly" and I sometimes get squirrely about it, but I know it's right for right now. And he feels the same.

I am going down to SoCal for NYE to see my buddies Philip and Craig. That should be fun. We will chill out and also go to a party on 12/31 that a friend of theirs is having in Beaumont, CA. It'll be nice to get away just for a few days!

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwaanza or whatever you celebrate. And I wish everyone a safe, healthy, happy and prosperous New Year.

Loving you bitches,
XOXOXO
G Boogie

Getting in gear.

So today I got up on some of this:

I tooled downtown to the water and rode the Embarcadero out to the Aquatic Park next to Fort Mason, which for those of you who don't live here is just about two miles east from the GG bridge. The weather couldn't have been more perfect. It was an awesome ride, traffic wasn't too bad and my knees don't hurt (...so far...) I purposefully only rode as far as I thought I could go and get back comfortably and I also intentionally kept it flat. Today was about going a greater distance. Imagine my delight when I tracked/measured my route and saw that I had ridden 10 miles! To date my longest ride had only been 2 miles... so 10 is a great improvement given that I'm not supposed be hitting 10-15 miles per week over the span of 2-3 rides by mid-October. I'm STOKED!

And now I'm jonesing for these:

Well maybe not this specific type (there are many...who knew?) but I am definitely going shopping tomorrow for clipless pedals and shoes and cleats. WOO HOO!

But first I'm hitting the Labor Day weekend sale at Bloomies and then seeing the Nanny Diaries.

All of this brought to you by the much-welcomed final end to the softball season and a give-back of my weekends.

Peace out and Happy Labor Day, bitches.
LOVES IT.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi

It's gonna be a bit...

Hey bitches!! Just wanted to let you know that it may be a week or so before I post anything substantial (other than some fun humorous items). Having just started a new job and trying to manage three different time zones now across the world between my brother, my east coast peeps and the italian, life is pretty interesting.

Thank God softball has officially ended. It ended up being one of the highlights of my year but I am also quite glad to get my weekends "back".

But, before I sign off... I should tell you that at a softball tourney this weekend, I had my personal season highlight. In softball, the length of time a game is allowed to go is limited. If time is called but it is the top of a new inning, the inning must be completed so that both teams have the same number of opportunities for at-bats.

So picture this... time had been called in the top of an inning when we were playing defense. So we would get our final at-bat as a team in the bottom of that inning. When we went to bat, we were down 11-9. We scored 2 runs to tie at 11-11. When yours truly takes the batter's box, we already have two outs... and for the tourney, it was a 1-1 rule: every batter starts out with a count of 1 ball and 1 strike.

I took a ball.
I took a strike.

So now my count is 2-2, the score is tied and my team has two outs. FUCK!

The pitch comes and I knock the HELL outta that ball for a good solid line drive single. But that was all we needed - it was enough for my teammate Horacio who was on Third base to make it home... giving us the run we needed to WIN the damn game.

yeah.... I rule! ;0)

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi

Yes, go ahead caller. I'm listening...

So with this past weekend's events, I've been left a little shaken AND stirred in a lot of different ways. And all of them good. I truly believe any experience that causes you to think and learn is a good one. And I'm surely thinking and learning about myself the past few days, yessirreebob.

I had a friend (B) over last night. He and I had been dating for a couple of months but I recently decided we were better suited to be friends. He wanted to take me out to congratulate me on my new job but I had so many around-the-house chores to take care of that I asked if we could order in and catch up while I did laundry and putzed around. Being out of it last weekend, gone this coming one at a softball tournament and then starting the new job on Tuesday, life is piling up all around me... YIPES!

But, as usual, I digress...

So I told B about Carmelo and the whole weekend...in great detail as I have with a few of you (Bunky, Dminmem, BigSir, Stack, Rev. Brown, etc. Syn and Moby, I owe you a deep-dive (heh....that's funny) so you'll get yours in the end (I kill me!)). He was a bit taken aback and amazed but also a little jealous. And of course, he agreed like everyone has how fucking cute C is. Because he is. I mean, sure, I'm biased a teensy bit, but... whatever.

And we talked about the emotional pitfalls of a situation like this. And he made the same very valid points everyone makes. I get them. But me and a friend were talking yesterday and I repeated a question to him that I've posed to most of you about this and then he quite clearly made a wonderful point as to why that question carries validity.

The situation is that me and Carmelo live a GREAT distance apart. Very true. The odds of this "working out" (whether that means a torrid global love affair for a few months/visits or even something greater) are not stacked in our favor. BUT, the question is, "why not?" Just because he lives in Italy and I am in the US, "why can't it happen?" I'm not saying it will, but why do we have to accept that the current geographical circumstance will be the permanent one?

So then the point is made to me yesterday in a conversation with my friend Auntie P as to why this question becomes valid. I live in a major metropolitan city which is definitely skewed in my favor with the concentration of gay men who also live here. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a fag. Seriously. And here is where I may lose you based upon your philosophy of love and "the one". I am not entirely sure how I feel about "the one" concept. I think likely there are two, maybe three people in the world living at this time that are BEST suited to be my partner in life. I think what makes one of them become "the one" are things like chance, timing, location, attraction, etc. Factors... But given all that chance I do think the universe pushes us in directions, helps to guide us in the right direction. Sometimes it is quite subtle (or maybe we just aren't listening) and sometimes it is as subtle as a bull in a china shop. All this said, just because I'm in a large gay area, why does that mean that one of these two to three people is living here in San Francisco at this very moment and that I will meet him? Sure, the odds are better that I find someone to share my life with here as opposed if I were living back in Alabama. But do you take the bet just because the odds go from 1,000,000:1 to 500,000:1? True, your odds just doubled but, as my ex used to say, "the odds are good, but the goods are odd."

So who is to say that one of those few people doesn't right now live in Rome and at this very moment is not vacationing beach-side in the Milazzo area of Sicily, telling his sister all about me and our adventure thus far? Who's to say that the universe didn't push me into that random bar that I NEVER go in last Thursday? Who's to say it didn't also push him into that same bar (which is decidedly NOT a tourist attraction bar!) a mere few hours after he put foot on SF soil for the first time in his life so that we could meet? Who's to say I'm not listening?

All I can really say is that I for one am tired of asking "why". It's about time I start asking "why not?"

To those of you who have voiced some concern over my being careful with my emotions in this situation - I do appreciate it. But just know that although this all does sound very Nora Ephron-esque, I am listening VERY intently. This situation could be about me finding my life partner or it could be about mending and teaching my heart. But in the end, whether I take an Italian lover or I walk away having learned something about myself that I didn't know before...and I walk away with a heart more open and more capable of true love than it ever has been before, do I really lose?


"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi

ALC7, BITCHES!

Start your "Support Gina" piggy bank now, bitches... is all I'm sayin'.

because now THIS is happening:

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi

the emancipation of gina

It's hard to believe that it has already been one year (today!) since I ended my almost five-year relationship and embarked upon changing my life into what I want it to be.

One year later, where and what am I?

-living in kick-ass San Francisco (West Coast RULES!)
-still chillin' with my girls Lucy and Charlie
-missing my Right peeps, but diggin' my new Left ones
-volunteering
-softballing
-funner
-funnier
-self-confident
-still clean
-smokeless (one year 10/2/07 y'all)
-NOT sober (hey, I get to keep one vice!)
-HAPPY
-ready for __________

What a difference a year makes!

One love, 0ne Gina, 0ne Boogie...
XOXO


"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi

Design on Someone Else's Dime

So I had a store credit at Room & Board from when my couch was so severely delayed/etc. way back in Nov-Feb timeframe. Then Bunky gave me an R&B gift card for my birthday. Well I finally went and spent it this weekend with my Mom and Big Sir in tow - so it was fun to buy myself something for free. Even better when I got a floor model with very minor flaws for 20% off!

It looks awesome and is on a dimmer - tres chic!



Then since moving to SF, I've become more interested in photography. And I have had not a stitch of ANYTHING on my walls since moving in. While at R&B, I bought three basic black frames, complete with mats. I had a series of close ups I took in some lime trees at our most recent Palm Springs rental house (former home of Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis, btw!), so I had Walgreens print 'em up and hung them last night in my kitchen. If I'm not careful, my home will soon look like a bona fide adult with some semblance of good taste lives there!!




Now if I could just get Charlie to get interested in re-decorating her little boudoir.




"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi

Pieces of Hate, I mean, Eight

Ok - so Synrgy tagged me as one of his Eight... I am just now hearing about this - so that tells you how out of the loop I guess I've been. So I don't know what's harder - my eight things that no one knows about me (are there even 2?) or the eight people I'm going to tag.. DAMN YOU SYNRGY, DAMN YOU TO HELL!

JUDY!

Ok - first for my eight pieces:

1. I have no clue if I believe in monogamy for me.

2. I can't take a 5-minute errand to the copy room at work without my iPod.

3. I seriously regret having never played sports when I was younger.

4. I secretly yearn to settle down with a Southern man as my husband.

5. I irrationally fear octopus and squid, especially the ginormous variety (be they pictures of real ones, video, tattoos, whatever)

6. I miss my father on a daily basis.

7. I am constantly thinking about what my next tattoo will be (and where will it go?)

8. I only recently learned how to love myself. But the point is, is that I finally did. :)

Now -I'm going to be lazy and not hyperlink my 8 tags, but here they are: Rev. Brown, Flakey Bikkit, TP (3guys, 2k9s), mokos de conejo, gabey, big sir, bunky, the shandyman.

There - may I please be excused now?


"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi

I can't believe its over...

The really bad picture is of my darkened hotel room in LA taken from my treo. I can't believe its not the inside of my tent at ALC6 in some campground.

I can't yet put into words an accurate description of my experience that will mean anything to those who have not done the ride. What I can tell you is that this has been the second most important decision I've made in my life ... the first being my move from NYC to help care for my dying father some 10 years ago.

I can also tell you that I made friends in the span of 7 days that I plan on keeping for the rest of my life. Everyone was so wonderful but some of the standouts were Randy, Nicole, Ruby, Blake, George, Joe, Jim.

And to the people I now consider part of my family...Philip, Terry and Stacie, I LOVE YOU!!!!

No computer for another few days - so that's prolly all for now.

More on ALC6 and BBCS Vol 2 coming soon.

Love yourself.
Love each other.

-GBoogie

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

-Gandhi

LET'S RIDE, CLYDE

Well... after talking about it, begging for donations and a few good cries over the overwhelming generosity of folks like my friends, family and my blog family, AIDS/Lifecycle 6 kicks off tomorrow. Me and Bunky finished packing around 11pm tonight.

Day 1 looks roughly like:

4:15 am - wake up
4:45 am - cab arrives
5:00 am - arrive for gear bag in-take
6:00 am - opening ceremonies
6:30 am - ride-out
7:30 am - board bus
9:00 am - arrive Camp 1 - Santa Cruz
4:00-9:00 pm - serve dinner for day 1 to all riders, roadies and staff

Yeah - a long day. But I can't wait. After dinner in the Castro this evening, we had to stop in Walgreens for some last minute items. We kept running into riders and roadies (we all have matching flourescent orange and yellow ride ID bracelets on that we must keep on for the duration of the event) and its like we're all a big pseudo-family already. The camaraderie is phenomenal.

Any way - now its almost midnight and my available sleep window is getting smaller by the moment and I still need to shower before hitting the hay.

Here's a pic of our route over the week in case you're interested.


I'm sure it won't be a surprise that I won't be posting until I'm back in SF almost in the middle of June. But be good to yourself, be good to others and think of me and the nearly 2,499 other riders, roadies and staff members of SF Aids Foundation and LA Gay & Lesbian Center as we make our journey south in the hopes of one day ending the senseless pandemic that is Hiv/AIDS.

One Love,
Gboogie

Gina's At Bat on the Berfday

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

the grass is not greener...

Most of you who have been longer-term readers of mine know that I'm still fairly new to the singles scene after my recent divorce. It's been almost seven months since my relationship ended. And I guess you could say I've been dating for the past guess I'd say three months since I've been in SF. It can get dicey. Is it fun all the time? Not so much, no. But I'm in it. I'm gonna stick it out.

I often get more than a little incensed when I get a blow off from someone. Not entirely because I don't like rejection. I mean sure, that's a big part of it. Come on... I'm human. What can I say? Being rejected is not fun. But more often than not, it has nothing to do with me. I mean sure, if you don't like my hair color or the style in which I dress, that's pretty personal. But I can't help it if I'm merely being me. For me to be myself is an imperative. So while it is seemingly about me, it's not really. It's about you- you are just not that into what I have to offer. Nothing mean about it. It is what it is.

But when I'm on this side of the fence, daddy no like. I know first-hand that it is not fun. But I am also beginning to realize that I may be in a minority of folks who would like to be told a flat-out NO instead of being chased around the bush while you beat it and are indirect and just keep pushing me out until I finally give up.

Today I was forced to remember that the grass is not greener on the other side of the proverbial fence: Today I disappointed someone.

It was not the first time and it won't be the last. Like I said, I've recently found myself on the receiving end of disappointment on a few occasions. I am sure I will again. Probably too many times to count. But it's part of it, right?

But today I decided to be up front. I decided rather than say, "sure, I'll go out with you again" and then dodging phone calls and emails until the other person gave up I said, "sure, but just as friends, ok?" It felt both bad and good. I was direct, polite and there's no false pretense. My integrity felt good. I am not so sure the other person felt so good about it. I also don't know how disappointed he really was. But from the short remainder of our conversation, I'd imagine he was just a little bit. I know how that feels. It's not fun.

I don't like to disappoint people. But I value being direct and honest in a kind way more than avoiding the truth and stringing people along. Am I the only one out there that feels like this? Many times, I feel as if I am.

Maybe I should just put a mirror on the other side of that fence...to remind me of the view from the other side.

LET'S RIDE, CLYDE!

I got my information packet on AIDS/LifeCycle 6 (<-- link) y'all.
I'm super stoked! They have a cool feature in which I can create my personal ALC webpage. (<-- link)


And, what? Huh? What's that you say?

You can DONATE money in my name to the San Francisco AIDS Foundation? (<-- link) That's CRAZY. Where?

HERE (<-- link)


[Gina's Note: I should have clarified. Although I am ambitious, I am not riding this year. Visit my ALC home page to find out more about how I'll help...and how YOU can too!]

hmmphhhh....

"she's got 3 or 4 problems..."

"she's got her cuckoo panties on..."

"she's cuckoo-bananas...."

"she's cuckoo for cocoa-puffs..."

"she good -n- crazy..."

HOORAY

It's official -




I'm gonna be a "Roadie" y'all. Traveling the whole route, on a volunteer basis. I can't wait.

Oh yeah, also official... I can't have children. I'm one barren bitch.

new movie crush

ok. I've always thought he was handsome. I even watched that dreaded Broken Hearts Club movie a few times because of him ( & Dean Cain... YUM).

Timothy Olyphant. HOT!!!

Last night, Gina & Bunky went to see Catch and Release. It was cute, if not completely formulaic. I didn't expect any different. But it was pretty good. I try not to analyze chick flicks too deeply, because there are lots wrong with them.

But as we were leaving the theatre, I wondered to Bunky...

Ok. Romantic comedies. They are carefully scripted, beautifully cast (appearance-wise, not always talent-wise mind you!) and create a fairy-tale world of love and romance. And true, very few people will ever experience those sorts of moments.

or will they?

Those who read my blog regularly might have noticed that I seem to have been "storming" emotionally over the last 2-3 months since my move. I liken it to the storming phase most teams go through in their development. It's nothing to be alarmed about. I believe it is normal evolution. Progress. Growth. Growing pains. Although it's not all fun, it is all "good" as they say.

I also think the reverse of an old saying is true. We often hear "the calm before the storm" said. Well, for me, I always have a storm before the calm, meaning, I always feel like I have the greatest occlusion before I gain clarity. Or, to keep in our meteoroligical analogies, my emotional skies always tend to be cloudiest and darkest right before they part and the sun shines down.

But I digress slightly (what's new?). So I was rambling on about perfect romance moments and movies and does anyone ever get to have them?

I THINK WE CAN. I think it requires a paradigmatic shift in ourselves. No, it's not ever going to be perfectly blocked and lit. Your paramour won't have deliciously dewey eyes that seem to glow like a 40's starlet (unless you hire an amazing crew). And unless you have a secret playlist ready on your iPod, you won't have the benefit of a score to rouse your heartstrings.

But you will have moments. Life is filled with them. And they all happen as they happen. Not as they are supposed to. AS THEY HAPPEN. It bears repeating - not as they are SUPPOSED to. This ties back to the whole expectations mumbo jumbo I keep wrestling with... sometimes not so well. If we expect these moments to be like the movies, then surely we will be disappointed.

Let's look at it from a slightly different angle: forget that it's scripted, scored, edited, lit, etc. That movie scene is merely a snippet out of someone's lives. You're seeing their moment. To them, it is happening as it is happening. It is what it is - and in that - it is in and of itself perfect. The same thing happens to you and me every day of our lives.

So if you are fortunate enough to have someone special in your life... think about this. Or let me "borrow" a made up scene. David - forgive me.....

So David is at his house in Memphis. Cameron has been away on a trip. Cameron gets a ride home from a colleague (give me poetic license here guys). Cameron comes in the back door, sets down his bags and David is just coming into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Their eyes meet and they smile. They've missed each other. They each close 1/2 their distance to one another, hug, and kiss tenderly hello.

Now, no offense to this scene, but is it the stuff chick flicks are made of? Not by studio standards, no. But what it IS is a scene from David and Cameron's life. It was their moment. And they experienced it, as it happened. And that moment was perfect for them. No lighting was needed, no score made it better, no dialog necessary. It happened. But it is romantic and loving and sweet.

All we have to do is "wake up" and see this happening all around us every day. Instead of using that romantic comedy to fuck up our notions and set our 'bars' unrealistically high, use them to reset our minds and open ourselves up to the beauty of life happening around us.

Yeah - kinda a heavy post for 7am PST. But... it's what was on my mind. With me, just like in life, you get yin and yang, good and bad and specifically with me... the fluff and the heavy.

I've mentioned moments quite a bit in this post. Last night with all this bubbling in my noggin, it brought to mind the lyrics to my favorite song in my favorite Broadway Musical.

Show: Into The Woods
Music & Lyrics by: Stephen Sondheim
Song: Moments in the Woods

The show is a metaphor for life (the Woods) - in which the famous fairy tales and fables of The Childless Baker & His Wife, Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella and Jack and the Beanstalk (and the Giant) all come together to face the challenges of life... wants, desires, needs. The Baker's Wife has just had a 'moment' with one of Cinderella's princes.... and doesn't understand how to frame it, so to speak. So that's why some of the lyrics seem crazy (i.e., witches, giants, princes). But if you stay with the pass, you'll understand... (only certain parts included. for the whole song, google it).

BAKER'S WIFE:

Just a moment,
One peculiar passing moment...
Must it all be either less or more,
Either plain or grand?
Is it always "or"?
Is it never "and"?
That's what woods are for:
For those moments in the woods...

Oh, if life were made of moments,
Even now and then a bad one!
But if life were only moments,
Then you'd never know you had one.

First a Witch, then a child,
Then a Prince, then a moment-
Who can live in the woods?
And to get what you wish,
Only just for a moment-
These are dangerous woods...

Let the moment go...
Don't forget it for a moment, though.
Just remembering you've had an "and",
When you're back to "or",
Makes the "or" mean more
Than it did before.
Now I understand-

And it's time to leave the woods.

i need balls

PLUS

may equal:

this could get quite interesting before it's all said and done....

eight 8-oz glasses a day

I don't normally post on legitimate news. But WTF? Why not break the mold. I haven't posted in a bit and I feel I'm on a bit of a streak. I feel I owe you fuckers something.


So have you heard about the woman who entered a radio contest and died from drinking too much water? Well, if not, you can read about it here (<-- link) or maybe even here (<-- link).


But honestly people, come ON. I'm truly sorry she died. No one deserves that. But is it anyone else's fault but her own? Did she have a gun to her head and a cork in her bladder? No. She voluntarily competed. This is sort of like the man that sued McDonald's for making him fat.


I am sort of introspective lately. Own your shit people. It's yours. It might be all you've got. But it's yours.

Be you... loudly, strongly and decidedly.

And if you dont' like you, then change it. That's the only thing you have the power to change... YOURSELF. More specifically, in my own jack-shit opinion that doesn't mean anything to anyone but me... the only thing I believe you have power over is to change how you choose to allow things in your life to effect you.

OWN IT... WORK IT

the Tao te Gina

So I picked up a copy of the Tao Te Ching. I have long thought of getting one, but just never did. I resolved that yesterday.

Here's my progress:
- read chapter one
- thought about chapter one for about 30 minutes
- developed a headache
- am now laying down to take a nap

In defense of both me and the book:
- i am sick (cold)
- the book is "dense"