New Year - New Hopes

I don't even know how many people even read this thing anymore. I've been so bad about updating, I'd imagine not very many. But at any rate, I figured while I had a spare 30 minutes at work (which is highly atypical), I'd post a little update.

Work is quiet for once, which is nice and I've actually been off quite a bit over the holidays. My family was all in town for a visit which was quite nice. We got to just hang out a lot. Drank a bit, ate a lot. It was nice. I even got to spend some very good 1:1 time with my older brother and I was touched by the deeper connection we shared this visit. We have always gotten along, but as we get older, our relationship continues to deepen which is very nice. My mom was a little more relaxed than her visit last year, she had shed a few pounds, looked great, was in good spirits and seemed to just really enjoy herself moreso which was a joy to see as well.

My bro and sis-in-law bagged 12/20, my mom 12/23 and my bro and his partner 12/24, leaving me all alone to tend to my pup and their two as well. Their successful co-mingling is recent and makes it possible for us to watch the dogs for each other and also if I'm going to just hang out a bit at theirs, then I can bring Chucklet along and she gets to see some peeps and pups too. It's a win-win as far as I'm concerned.

As you might well imagine, it was a bike-y christmas for me - I got some really cool stuff all the way around, from butt butter, to really cool safety lights (Frogs), a Camelbak (<-- link), sport/cycling sunglasses (with interchangeable lenses!!), a new jersey, rad socks, etc. And I got some cabbage too, which for me is never a wrong answer.

Things with the guy are still really great as well. He's been off work this whole week and we turned a Monday cook-dinner-and-spend-the-night date into a sort of 2-day mini no-travel escape. We hung out at my brother/his partner's beautiful home, cooked, watched movies, had Christmas morning breakfast treats at my sis-in-laws' house, shopped sales a little bit and just shared the largest amount of time together continuously that we ever have to date. He brought me gifts (not necessary but so generous!!) that were sweet and thoughtful. It really felt like we were on a mini vacay together - a bit like paradise only without the beaches and sunsets. :) I enjoy him and our time together SOOOO much. And for once in my life, I'm taking it at the right speed. It still feels weird to be going "slowly" and I sometimes get squirrely about it, but I know it's right for right now. And he feels the same.

I am going down to SoCal for NYE to see my buddies Philip and Craig. That should be fun. We will chill out and also go to a party on 12/31 that a friend of theirs is having in Beaumont, CA. It'll be nice to get away just for a few days!

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwaanza or whatever you celebrate. And I wish everyone a safe, healthy, happy and prosperous New Year.

Loving you bitches,
XOXOXO
G Boogie

Another generic, lame-assed post

Ugh - I can barely find the time to update my training blog 3 times per week, get to work, have a social live and still sleep. But to be honest, besides my training (there's a whole blog about it) and the holidays and the guy (yes, I guess you could say we're dating, but definitely settling into a bit of a groove and still a ton of fun!), there's not time for much else.

My bro and sis-in-law are coming into the country for the holidays at the end of next week so that will be great to see them, along with my mom who will be here as well.

How are all of you - what is everyone doing for the holidays?

And for those of you who are Jewish - Happy Hanukkah (begins tonight at sundown...)

hey now...

So I've been a little quiet on this front. Truth be told, all things are really going well. But my new job, which I like quite a lot, just happens to be on a much higher pace. I did ALL of my posting before from my old job at the Big 4 accounting firm. Boy was life easy then!

At any rate, I thought I would check in and give an update.

I've been having some really good fortune lately. Or I guess if you look at it another way, I am coming into my own and am getting some of the good stuff I deserve. =)

Work is going well, my training for ALC7 is going well and I've met someone that I am getting to know a little better to see what potential lies ahead for us.

No worries, just not a lot of time to post and most of you who are my friends I manage to keep up with you day in and day out on IM.

I'll try to be better about posting - but be well!!

Yes, go ahead caller. I'm listening...

So with this past weekend's events, I've been left a little shaken AND stirred in a lot of different ways. And all of them good. I truly believe any experience that causes you to think and learn is a good one. And I'm surely thinking and learning about myself the past few days, yessirreebob.

I had a friend (B) over last night. He and I had been dating for a couple of months but I recently decided we were better suited to be friends. He wanted to take me out to congratulate me on my new job but I had so many around-the-house chores to take care of that I asked if we could order in and catch up while I did laundry and putzed around. Being out of it last weekend, gone this coming one at a softball tournament and then starting the new job on Tuesday, life is piling up all around me... YIPES!

But, as usual, I digress...

So I told B about Carmelo and the whole weekend...in great detail as I have with a few of you (Bunky, Dminmem, BigSir, Stack, Rev. Brown, etc. Syn and Moby, I owe you a deep-dive (heh....that's funny) so you'll get yours in the end (I kill me!)). He was a bit taken aback and amazed but also a little jealous. And of course, he agreed like everyone has how fucking cute C is. Because he is. I mean, sure, I'm biased a teensy bit, but... whatever.

And we talked about the emotional pitfalls of a situation like this. And he made the same very valid points everyone makes. I get them. But me and a friend were talking yesterday and I repeated a question to him that I've posed to most of you about this and then he quite clearly made a wonderful point as to why that question carries validity.

The situation is that me and Carmelo live a GREAT distance apart. Very true. The odds of this "working out" (whether that means a torrid global love affair for a few months/visits or even something greater) are not stacked in our favor. BUT, the question is, "why not?" Just because he lives in Italy and I am in the US, "why can't it happen?" I'm not saying it will, but why do we have to accept that the current geographical circumstance will be the permanent one?

So then the point is made to me yesterday in a conversation with my friend Auntie P as to why this question becomes valid. I live in a major metropolitan city which is definitely skewed in my favor with the concentration of gay men who also live here. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a fag. Seriously. And here is where I may lose you based upon your philosophy of love and "the one". I am not entirely sure how I feel about "the one" concept. I think likely there are two, maybe three people in the world living at this time that are BEST suited to be my partner in life. I think what makes one of them become "the one" are things like chance, timing, location, attraction, etc. Factors... But given all that chance I do think the universe pushes us in directions, helps to guide us in the right direction. Sometimes it is quite subtle (or maybe we just aren't listening) and sometimes it is as subtle as a bull in a china shop. All this said, just because I'm in a large gay area, why does that mean that one of these two to three people is living here in San Francisco at this very moment and that I will meet him? Sure, the odds are better that I find someone to share my life with here as opposed if I were living back in Alabama. But do you take the bet just because the odds go from 1,000,000:1 to 500,000:1? True, your odds just doubled but, as my ex used to say, "the odds are good, but the goods are odd."

So who is to say that one of those few people doesn't right now live in Rome and at this very moment is not vacationing beach-side in the Milazzo area of Sicily, telling his sister all about me and our adventure thus far? Who's to say that the universe didn't push me into that random bar that I NEVER go in last Thursday? Who's to say it didn't also push him into that same bar (which is decidedly NOT a tourist attraction bar!) a mere few hours after he put foot on SF soil for the first time in his life so that we could meet? Who's to say I'm not listening?

All I can really say is that I for one am tired of asking "why". It's about time I start asking "why not?"

To those of you who have voiced some concern over my being careful with my emotions in this situation - I do appreciate it. But just know that although this all does sound very Nora Ephron-esque, I am listening VERY intently. This situation could be about me finding my life partner or it could be about mending and teaching my heart. But in the end, whether I take an Italian lover or I walk away having learned something about myself that I didn't know before...and I walk away with a heart more open and more capable of true love than it ever has been before, do I really lose?


"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi

blindsided

Life can be so interesting some times....

Meet Carmelo. 31, the face of an angel, a Fashion Designer, speaks fluent Italian, originally hails from Sicily.






Problem? So far the only one I can see is that he lives in ROME.

We are currently under negotiations to see if we can maybe meet in New York in the next 4-6 weeks and then go from there...

Happy 4th, Bitches

Fun at Pacifica - just off Highway 1, about 20 minutes south of San Fran... We drank beer on the beach and watched the sun set. Simple. Fun.

I dunno what's up with him. What I DO know: He's nice. He's fun. He's goofy. He's cute. We'll see... :)

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi

5 Simple Rules to a Successful Gay Life

1. Get a man who helps around the house, cooks and cleans up.

2. Get a man who can make you smile and laugh.

3. Get a man who is faithful and who does not lie to you.

4. Get a man who is a good lover and likes to be with you.

5. It is very important that these four men do not know each other.

it ain't easy...

I've been turned on to a great song... so now I'm sharing it with you:

Sideways - by Citizen Cope:
You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There's no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you

These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
They've been knockin' me out lately
Whenever you come around me

These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won't go away

I was discussing the meaning of the song and my perception with "someone" the other night. He was telling me he feels like it is a somber, not-so-happy song. I think the music, the tone, the quality of this dude's voice - sure, not super happy/fun like an up-tempo Kylie Minogue frothy hit. But I also think it is not necessarily melancholy.

Listen to it. MANY times. God knows I have. I LOVE this shit. But I feel like its merely someone describing how he can't get away from a strong feeling about someone. He can't shake it. His feelings are throwing him for a loop.

But is that necessarily a bad thing?

I don't think so. I'm trying to feel my feelings instead of manage them in my brain. Its fucking scary. Terrifying actually. But the exhiliration and just plain old fun I'm experiencing lately is pretty awesome.

the grass is not greener...

Most of you who have been longer-term readers of mine know that I'm still fairly new to the singles scene after my recent divorce. It's been almost seven months since my relationship ended. And I guess you could say I've been dating for the past guess I'd say three months since I've been in SF. It can get dicey. Is it fun all the time? Not so much, no. But I'm in it. I'm gonna stick it out.

I often get more than a little incensed when I get a blow off from someone. Not entirely because I don't like rejection. I mean sure, that's a big part of it. Come on... I'm human. What can I say? Being rejected is not fun. But more often than not, it has nothing to do with me. I mean sure, if you don't like my hair color or the style in which I dress, that's pretty personal. But I can't help it if I'm merely being me. For me to be myself is an imperative. So while it is seemingly about me, it's not really. It's about you- you are just not that into what I have to offer. Nothing mean about it. It is what it is.

But when I'm on this side of the fence, daddy no like. I know first-hand that it is not fun. But I am also beginning to realize that I may be in a minority of folks who would like to be told a flat-out NO instead of being chased around the bush while you beat it and are indirect and just keep pushing me out until I finally give up.

Today I was forced to remember that the grass is not greener on the other side of the proverbial fence: Today I disappointed someone.

It was not the first time and it won't be the last. Like I said, I've recently found myself on the receiving end of disappointment on a few occasions. I am sure I will again. Probably too many times to count. But it's part of it, right?

But today I decided to be up front. I decided rather than say, "sure, I'll go out with you again" and then dodging phone calls and emails until the other person gave up I said, "sure, but just as friends, ok?" It felt both bad and good. I was direct, polite and there's no false pretense. My integrity felt good. I am not so sure the other person felt so good about it. I also don't know how disappointed he really was. But from the short remainder of our conversation, I'd imagine he was just a little bit. I know how that feels. It's not fun.

I don't like to disappoint people. But I value being direct and honest in a kind way more than avoiding the truth and stringing people along. Am I the only one out there that feels like this? Many times, I feel as if I am.

Maybe I should just put a mirror on the other side of that fence...to remind me of the view from the other side.