the grass is not greener...
Most of you who have been longer-term readers of mine know that I'm still fairly new to the singles scene after my recent divorce. It's been almost seven months since my relationship ended. And I guess you could say I've been dating for the past guess I'd say three months since I've been in SF. It can get dicey. Is it fun all the time? Not so much, no. But I'm in it. I'm gonna stick it out.
I often get more than a little incensed when I get a blow off from someone. Not entirely because I don't like rejection. I mean sure, that's a big part of it. Come on... I'm human. What can I say? Being rejected is not fun. But more often than not, it has nothing to do with me. I mean sure, if you don't like my hair color or the style in which I dress, that's pretty personal. But I can't help it if I'm merely being me. For me to be myself is an imperative. So while it is seemingly about me, it's not really. It's about you- you are just not that into what I have to offer. Nothing mean about it. It is what it is.
But when I'm on this side of the fence, daddy no like. I know first-hand that it is not fun. But I am also beginning to realize that I may be in a minority of folks who would like to be told a flat-out NO instead of being chased around the bush while you beat it and are indirect and just keep pushing me out until I finally give up.
Today I was forced to remember that the grass is not greener on the other side of the proverbial fence: Today I disappointed someone.
It was not the first time and it won't be the last. Like I said, I've recently found myself on the receiving end of disappointment on a few occasions. I am sure I will again. Probably too many times to count. But it's part of it, right?
But today I decided to be up front. I decided rather than say, "sure, I'll go out with you again" and then dodging phone calls and emails until the other person gave up I said, "sure, but just as friends, ok?" It felt both bad and good. I was direct, polite and there's no false pretense. My integrity felt good. I am not so sure the other person felt so good about it. I also don't know how disappointed he really was. But from the short remainder of our conversation, I'd imagine he was just a little bit. I know how that feels. It's not fun.
I don't like to disappoint people. But I value being direct and honest in a kind way more than avoiding the truth and stringing people along. Am I the only one out there that feels like this? Many times, I feel as if I am.
Maybe I should just put a mirror on the other side of that fence...to remind me of the view from the other side.
I often get more than a little incensed when I get a blow off from someone. Not entirely because I don't like rejection. I mean sure, that's a big part of it. Come on... I'm human. What can I say? Being rejected is not fun. But more often than not, it has nothing to do with me. I mean sure, if you don't like my hair color or the style in which I dress, that's pretty personal. But I can't help it if I'm merely being me. For me to be myself is an imperative. So while it is seemingly about me, it's not really. It's about you- you are just not that into what I have to offer. Nothing mean about it. It is what it is.
But when I'm on this side of the fence, daddy no like. I know first-hand that it is not fun. But I am also beginning to realize that I may be in a minority of folks who would like to be told a flat-out NO instead of being chased around the bush while you beat it and are indirect and just keep pushing me out until I finally give up.
Today I was forced to remember that the grass is not greener on the other side of the proverbial fence: Today I disappointed someone.
It was not the first time and it won't be the last. Like I said, I've recently found myself on the receiving end of disappointment on a few occasions. I am sure I will again. Probably too many times to count. But it's part of it, right?
But today I decided to be up front. I decided rather than say, "sure, I'll go out with you again" and then dodging phone calls and emails until the other person gave up I said, "sure, but just as friends, ok?" It felt both bad and good. I was direct, polite and there's no false pretense. My integrity felt good. I am not so sure the other person felt so good about it. I also don't know how disappointed he really was. But from the short remainder of our conversation, I'd imagine he was just a little bit. I know how that feels. It's not fun.
I don't like to disappoint people. But I value being direct and honest in a kind way more than avoiding the truth and stringing people along. Am I the only one out there that feels like this? Many times, I feel as if I am.
Maybe I should just put a mirror on the other side of that fence...to remind me of the view from the other side.
Labels: dating, expectations, progress, san fran, so
posted by Gina Bruce at 17:53
5 Comments:
Nobody likes to disappoint anyone and yes, sometimes the truth does suck arse, but the truth of the matter is - it's better to be upfront and honest. That way you don't get yourself in uncomfortable situations that you are trying to figure out how to get out of. It may not feel like it to you right now, but I think you did the right thing. And, as everyone knows, Donnie is the definitive voice of reason.
This Donny agrees. Often disappointment isn't about us, either. Disappointment often stems from false expectations.
Unless you committed to something and didn't follow through, you didn't disappoint anybody. The other man was simply disappointed.
I fall hard and fast, but I wouldn't change it for a thing. I experience my feelings, and I think you do, too.
As always,
Aunt Phetamine
I agree with your post. It is better to know where you stand then to be lead on. The sting is painful for sure, but typically short lived.
I like you because you are direct. I find sometimes I am not that direct, but I like it in other people and I am working on my faults in directness. It best I don't beat around the bush since I don't like the bush that much.
Have a great day Gboogy.
Rev. B.
Check your e-mail.
xoxo d
Good for you..Honesty is the best policy--at least thats what they tell me...Hang in there! Enjoy the single life and someones on your horizon that is going to.... well you know....rock your world!! xoxox rad
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