doing her part for Katrina, y'all....

Britney

previously ran across this

also in our hunt for parlors and artists... i didn't think much of it at first. But then I realized how good it was when I read the text within the scroll:








That's right.
It says:

NAUTI PUSS






Credit: Mike Davis, Everlasting Tattoo

So that NATURALLY led me and my brother to conceive of a new, adult cartoon strip. No, not porn, although we would totally go there for the right money and artistic freedom. [gina's note: no, me and my brother would not perform porn together, you sick fucks. we would write pornographic cartoons, collaboratively] It's just adult in that we'll constantly be talking about titties. Is this odd for a pair of gay men, much less brothers?

"The Adventures of Pistol Titties and Nauti Puss"

I see movie deals, merch, the whole 9-yards.

Straight up like a perm, ya hearn?

and so...

just when I'm having this shite day - and thinking to myself - "I need a good laugh"...

I'm on the internet, perusing tatt parlors in SFO. Me and mi hermano are getting our second identical tattoos when I'm out there this weekend. PSYCHED!

So we're trying to find artists and I was at One Shot Tattoo online. I was looking at folks' work and came across this:












Credit: Karina Figueroa, One Shot Tattoo

So this is clearly two pistols across a female's collar bones...right? Well, a nick name popped into my head. Instantly when I saw this. I was on the phone with my brother and was trying to tell him quietly. Luckily, I have a private closet-type office. But I was in such hysterics over trying to be quiet and still speak the words. I ended up giving up - with us both laughing so hard and he still didn't know WTF I was trying to say.

So I texted it to his phone:

PISTOL TITTIES

I have a headache from that laugh.

ever have one of those days...

... that you couldn't care less, were unmotivated, didn't give a shite?

How about a string of them?

ummm.... I'll have a Dunkin Donuts Coffee Koolata with a shot of Jamieson's up in it.


I'M CAROL!!

GUESS who was on my PATH train this morning?



That's right, jigga... But, while I try to be thankful for many reasons over the course of a day, this morning I was specifically thanking my stars and crescents for two things:

1. I was seated ACROSS the aisle from him
2. b/c I was across, I was FACING him - I have now burned that puss into my brain so that I can know to avoid that smelly little mutherfucquer at all costs

Too bad for him that this company only cares about a foul box and not also a foul mouth.

I wish you a pleasantly fragranced commute and a wonderful, warm and dry weekend

malodorous morning

no, I don't have bad gas this morning... but during my commute, I was assaulted by not one, but TWO people with horrendous odors. I'm sure they can't help it. One would assume that if you're leaving your house for the day, you've brushed your teeth fairly recently and used some sort of scented product for the remainder of your body. Maybe not for these two.

The first was on the bus from my house to the PATH. Boy was that bus crowded! I barely fit behind the yellow line, but I managed to squeeze in. The driver allowed one more gentleman to come on board, and we were all packed like sardines in the aisle, with him facing me.

And then I thought to myself - Halle? Are you on this bus? No doubt you're thinking I was hallucinating and thinking I'm riding the bus with non other than the Oscar winning actress. Sadly, no. I was not hallucinating. Sadly again, Halle Berry was not on my bus.

Halle Tosis, Y'all!

My "neighbour" on the bus had some stank breaf that had me beat down like a clown. Thank goodness I was only subjected to it for about 3 minutes. Then through a shrewd move, I managed to snag a recently vacated seat which meant no more Ms. Tosis.

So I get down into the PATH station and am like - OK , I'm getting a seat, the car is not 900 degrees, this commute is now going really well.

Not for long.

Then this little dude sits next to me. I am thinking I smell something. Ok - I'm not so unwell-traveled to understand different cultures have different notions of hygiene or that diet can affect body aroma signatures (body odor didn't seem to fit there, so I gay'd it up and made up that term! Maybe I AM more gay than Ricky, Elijah and/or Aaron...DEVIL!).

So let me sum up the odor for you:



















Yeah. Not exactly what shit I want to be smelling at 8:15 a.m. on mass transit. Not unless I'm about to mow down on a big juicy burger. But then, if I'm eating a burger in public at 8:15 a.m. on a weekday morning on mass transit, I suppose I have 2 or 3 other, more pressing issues I should deal with.

So I'm thinking - I should move. But then it subsided. Was I just used to it now? GOOD!

But wait... here it comes again.
There it goes. A few minutes pass.

Here it is again.

And again.

What is it?

Then I realize...





Wait for it...






HIS BREATH! Again, I feel like Nancy Kerrigan and want to scream, "why me? whyyyyyyyyyy?".

So now I hit assumptions phase and come up with two possibilities:

assumption one: this dude ate some righteous shit this morning and did not handle his business...

-OR-

assumption two: stank breath is the NORM for this dude and he STILL did not handle his business...

Either way, it reminds me of a story my brother once told me. He and his boyfriend went out to 1984 in the East Village for a night of dancing. Someone on the dancefloor had eaten sausage for dinner - and I do mean of the beef variety, not the tube steak/flesh pony kind. [gina's note: well, maybe he did consume both kinds of sausage. how are we ever really to know? but then again, who are we to judge?] How did they know, you ask? Did they recognize him from dinner previously?

Not such a happy ending. He was burping repeatedly and a pocket of the sweaty dance floor reeked like sausage.

Now all of this talk has me hungry -

LUNCH TIME!

and what's the upside to this?

what's the downside to this?