Biscuits and Jam

Ok - so recently, I've made a new friend courtesy of the internet and blogging universe. He's funny, smart and has great taste in blogs. Hey, he reads mine, so he must. JUDY!

But seriously - I found today's plug via him. I was snorting I was laughing so hard reading some of this. Please, without further ado, go check out

NATALIE DEE

here's a quick sample:

Too Much Curtainness

I don't think nearly enough of you bitches visit here (<--link). So to entice you, here's a recent post that made me HOWL. How aprospos with All Hallow's Eve approaching, right? Do me a solid and ignore that bullshit annoying line in the middle of the text, that's a result of my poor photo knapping skills. Click the pic to get to the original at TooMuchAwesomeness (<-- link)






















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Recruiter Reschmooter, Part Deux

At the risk of pissing of the one friend I have that is a recruiter (sorry ALH!), guess what?

5pm on Wednesday didn't work for Awesome Company!

When did they let me know? Wednesday, 2:13 pm.

gotta love coordination and promptness...

Recruiter Reschmooter

Those of you who have been ardent GBoogie fans for a while know that I hold a special place in my black heart for recruiters and HR folks. HATES IT.

I have yet another example of how reading comprehension is poor and people just do not pay attention to anything that doesn't directly benefit them. Here's an email chain, in chronological order. Names have been changed to protect the intelligence-challenged:

Email 1:

From: Susie HR Girl
To: GBoogie
Date: Fri Oct 20, 2006 04:46:13 PM PDT
Subject: Awesome Company Admin Test Availability

Hi GBoogie,

I'd like to get the ball rolling with your interviews and schedule you to come in and take the Admin Test. We will need approximately one hour of your time. Please let me know your earliest availability. Hopefully we can get you onsite in the beginning of the week!I look forward to hearing from you!

Kind Regards,
Susie HR Girl --


Email 2: (my response with availability)

From: GBoogie
To: Susie HR Girl
Date: Mon Oct 23, 2006 06:21:01 AM PDT
Subject: Re: Awesome Company Admin Test Availability

Hi Susie,

I could come to your New York offices for testing on Wednesday at 5pm. Unfortunately, with this my final week in New York, my availability is extremely tight and that is the only time I may offer. Please let me know if that works with your schedule and then advise details.

Best,
Gina


Email 3: (let the games begin!)

From: Susie HR Girl
To: GBoogie
Date: Mon Oct 23, 2006 03:42:39 PM PDT
Subject: Awesome Company Admin Test Confirmation

Hi Carla,

We are very excited that you are coming to take the Admin Test. I have scheduled your test for Wednesday, October 25 at 4:45 PM EST. It's important to us that you are able to spend quality time on your test, so please plan to be here for approximately one hour. The first part of the Admin Test is compriesed of multiple choice logic game questions adapted from the LSAT. The second half is two essay style questions. Ideally,1/2 an hour for each part-- 50% logic/50% essay. Most folks, even if they have never taken the LSAT, have come across these types of questions, or games, at some point before.

I've attached an employment application and NDA. Please have the application and NDA filled out prior to arriving, and present to Sadie Rose when you meet her. So that we can schedule your visit in our corporate calendar, it is very important that you confirm receipt of this email. When you arrive, ask for Sadie Rose in the 13th Floor Lobby of 666 Xth Avenue.

We're all looking forward to your visit to Awesome Company? please let us know if you have any questions for us!

Best of Luck,
Susie HR Girl

OK - are you paying attention? Do you know why I bolded the date/time?

Email 4: (I really did use restraint here - I'm proud of myself!)

From: GBoogie
To: Susie HR Girl
Date: Tue Oct 24, 2006 07:23:18 AM PDT
Subject: Awesome Company Admin Test Confirmation

Hi Susie -

This email is addressed to me yet the greeting says "Carla" and the time is earlier than the time I advised at which I can arrive. I can be at your offices at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow, Wednesday, October 25th. Please advise if the 5:00 p.m. time slot is available and if my instructions for meeting Sadie Rose are still applicable.

Thank you,
GBoogie

I know you're a smart bunch... You get it... I have said twice now that I could do 5pm. 5pm.

Email 5: (it gets better!!!)

From: Susie HR Girl
To: GBoogie
Date: Tue Oct 24, 2006 10:39:59 AM PDT
Subject: Awesome Company Admin Test Confirmation

Hi GBoogie,

Sorry about the confusion. The greeting should have been your name, not "Carla".

So is there no possible chance that you could arrive at the earlier time slot? 4:30 PM EST would actually be the ideal time slot for our New York office.

Please let me know. I would really like for this to work out for everyone.

Best Regards,
Susie HR Girl


Email 6: (again, I used restraint - I really did...)

From: GBoogie
To: Susie HR Girl
Date: Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:05:57 AM PDT
Subject: Awesome Company Admin Test Confirmation

Hi Susie -

No worries on the name mix-up. Unfortunately, 5:00 p.m. is the absolute earliest that I can arrive, and Wednesday is the only day this week that works in my schedule. If 5:00 pm. tomorrow does not work, then we will have to investigate some other time, on the West Coast, during which to have me in for the testing.

Please let me know, and thank you,
GBoogie

So now that's three times, correct? 5pm 5pm 5pm!!


Email 7: (yes, this is my life)

From: Susie HR Girl
To: GBoogie
Date: Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:08:36 AM PDT
Subject: Awesome Company Admin Test Confirmation

Hi GBoogie,

No worries! I will let you know ASAP whether NY can make 5:00 work or whether we'll arrange your test here in Mountain View.

Best,
Susie HR Girl


WTF? I need a nap after this. Stay tuned!

just because

I lifted this from my friend Mattie V.'s blog - sorry Mattie - couldn't resist - it's too good.


Next time, why don't you wear your Ginch Gonch (I'm obsessed with your boy panties!) and then drop trou and show your GG bootie by that sign - now THERE'S a picture! =0)

Overheard in GBoogieVille

So we were at Nowhere Bar on Saturday drinking me so long, good luck, get lost. I had my own Overheard in New York moment with Phyllis.

To set the stage, near us were two men. Homosexuals no less.

Gay #1: tall, lanky, scruffy 'beard' (well, more like 5 days of growth but not real beard), a plaid shirt in that button-front, mother-o-pearl westernish style that I SO adore.

Gay #2: average height, thick and nicely muscled (ok, he was TANGY. Mamma likes her some muscle, that's all I'm sayin'), in a basic tight (thank you!) white sort of undershirt.

So Phyllis and I watched them for a bit...

Gina: Ok, so read their body language and tell me if you think they are 1) on a first date, but may go ahead and fuck tonight (the gays are so promiscuous, aren't they?); 2) they are on maybe their 3rd or 4th date, but have definitely had each other's peni (it's the plural of penis, deal with it) in their throats by now; or 3) they are full-on dating and fucking.

Phyllis: noooo, they're on their first date. They're way too into each other to already be dating.

Gina: nice.

Both at the same time: Who do you think is the top? (pinch poke, you owe me a Coke, Phyllis)

Phyllis: who do you think?

Gina: Well, just because white shirt is so hot, I'd want him to be the top, but, as you know, Man of Steel, Heels of Helium.

Phyllis: I know...plus, the other one has to be the top. A bottom would never wear a plaid shirt.

i suggest you read this if you are into laughs

Maybe you Can do him With your Billfold

Queer #1: Oh my god, you work at a hedge fund? How much money do you make and how big is your cock?
Queer #2: Uhh... Eight and two. But I'm not telling you which is which.

--Phoenix, 13th & A

Overheard by: Queer #3

via Overheard in New York, Oct 20, 2006

You gotta love this:

This is an email I received from a co-worker a few minutes ago:

Subject: HEADS UP FOR TOMORROW -- I HAVE TO LEAVE AT 1PM TOMORROW TO GO TO A FUNERAL. SORRY FOR THE LATE NOTICE BUT MY FRIEND WAS JEWISH

Do they impose penalties if you don't bury them quickly enough?

I don't understand why more people don't donate items to charity?

Because they sure as hell make it so SIMPLE to do.

So I worked from home today. The heating guy came. The Salvation Army came.

The S.A. came to pick up a dresser and two matching Crate & Barrel bookcases that I didn't end up selling. But they couldn't come above the second floor, due to their insurance policy. I live on the third floor, of course. So I had to hire separate moving guys to come and move the items down to the first floor, just so the Salvo would be able to come pick up. So, to GIVE AWAY three items which are expensive and also in terrific condition, I had to end up paying around $250 in moving fees and tips. Giving is cheap and easy.

So then I rented a zipcar and used it to load up the 10 boxes I've already packed and drop them off at the nearest FedEx Ground pickup location. Because FedEx won't pick up at your house, unless you have an account established by an Account Executive. Because they are super-fancy.

Then I bought more packing materials. The express purpose so that I could pack up my glassware and dishes, to get them over to the local church/hospital thrift store. So I packed up about 1.5 sets of plain white dishware, and a full set of glassware, some baking dishes, a casserole, an iron, blowdryer, etc. TONS of shit. Then I called to make sure they accepted dishware, and would accept mis-matched sets. The lady cheerfully said yes, and I was once again sweating while loading up the car. I should also mention it was 3:50 and I had to return the zip car by 4:30 or face stiff penalties. And no, not those kind of stiff penalties. I had that kind earlier today. During which FedEx rang my buzzer to pick up the boxes that they told me they couldn't pick up. I blew them off, as I had stiff penalties to get back to. If you know me and care to hear those gory details, give me a call - I'm happy to recount. =0)

I load up the car in record time and pull up outside the thrift store. I take a couple of small items in and ask them if the back door is open, as I have quite a few items. This is where I meet her - SuperCunt. Tall - like maybe 6'. And she was in flats. She smelled of vitamins and pee and appeared to be about 75. Painfully skinny.

SuperCunt: How much do you have?
GinaBruce: A few boxes and some other items, mostly a hodge-podge.
SuperCunt: What's in the boxes?
GinaBruce: dishware and glassware
SuperCunt: No!, we can't accept that.
GinaBruce: Why?
SuperCunt: Are the boxes heavy?
GinaBruce: Well, sort of. Dishes are heavy...
SuperCunt: No! You can't leave them here. Take them to Salvation Army.

**NOTE: This is where I noticed that SuperCunt had numerous nose hairs sticking out. Some might consider them junior whiskers.**

GinaBruce: I specifically called and asked if you could accept them and the lady up front said "yes".
SuperCunt: Well, if I can't move the box, then I can't unpack it.
GinaBruce: Well, if you're going to unpack it, can't I put it where you need it and then as you unpack it, it will become less heavy in case you need to move it later.
SuperCunt: No! We won't take it.
GinaBruce: I don't understand why you say you'll accept something and then you refuse. You make donating so fun and easy!

Gina walks - well - rather storms out.

Other Smelly Old Customer Overheard: He was SO RUDE!!!

I just fail to understand why it has become so difficult to donate items to help the less-fortunate. And when did it become acceptable for smelly old Christian bitches WITH NOSEHAIRS to be so hateful? I love that the Christian Right hates homos, and I can't donate Crate & Barrel dishware to a ghetto thrift store. I'm trying to make the less-fortunate more fabulous.

I'm a tube top and cut-off jeans kinda gal myself

WHATTHAHELL?

I'm gonna back-slap you, shitbag!

I made it through week one, bitches

Your Quit Date is: 10/2/2006 7:00:00 AM
Time Smoke-Free: 8 days, 9 hours, 34 minutes and 40 seconds

Cigarettes NOT smoked: 59
Lifetime Saved: 10 hours
Money Saved: $18.00

It was easier when I was so sick I thought I would die. Not so easy this week!

I guess I should be happy

that my Senator even knows I exist. But he is clearly confused.

I wrote an email to my Senator this summer, prior to the vote on the Federal Marriage Amendment. Much to no one's surprise, I was against it.

Here's what I got today from Senator Lautenberg:


-----Original Message-----
From: frank_lautenberg@lautenberg.senate.gov
To: ginabrucelovesit@aol.com
Sent: Tue, 10 Oct 2006 3:14 PM
Subject: Responding to your message

Dear Ms. Bruce:

Thank you for contacting me about the "Marriage Protection Amendment" ( S.J.Res . 1). I appreciate hearing f rom you on this important issue, and I apologize for the delay in my response.

The "Marriage Protection Amendment" would amend the United States constitution to declare that "marriage shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman," and that no provision of the U.S. constitution or any State constitution "shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any [other] union." I opposed this measure when the Senate considered it on June 7, 2006.

Marriage laws have traditionally been under the control of individual States, and I do not believe this issue warrants an amendment to the U.S. constitution. In addition, the Defense of Marriage Act, which is federal law, prohibits federal recognition of same-sex marriages and allows individual States to recognize or refuse to recognize such marriages performed in other States as they see fit.

While I regret that we disagree on this issue, I am grateful for the benefit of your views. I hope you will continue to share them with me about issues of interest or concern to you in the future.

Thank you again for contacting me.


So here's what I wrote back:


Hi Senatorita Lautenberg -

Thanks for you message; however, as a gay man, I also opposed this amendment. So I am happy that you did too. But you might want to figure out why you thought I was in favor of it? And also why you think I'm a lady, and not a dude! (I'm not mad, I'm just busting chops... but other people do care about this sort of crap.)

Best,
Mr. Bruce

I've been cheated

I'm being as good as I can and actually resting, no doing much. So I wake up yesterday, feel OK, but better than Monday. But when I'm sick, I feel like everything around me needs to be clean... so I swept and swiffered all the floors in my place. It made me feel better to know my apartment was cleaner. Sue me.

Then I went downhill late afternoon - I wonder if it was the fact that I watched Poseidon on pay-per-view? Then right before bed, I officially felt like ASS again. This morning, I feel like I did Monday morning.

Wah - it's not fair. OOOOhhh - The Today show is at my town's local high school on special assignment. RANDOM.

Oh - and the not smoking is not fun - but I'm doing it. It certainly doesn't hurt this initiative that my lungs feel as if they are raw and my throat feels that it might have been burned lightly... Pleasant right?

I've been quit for just over two days now. Hooray! The Reverend says I'll be more kissable now. Not if I can't kiss someone without hacking in his face, right?

this is fucked up

So I finally off-load the ex into wherever the hell he went... So I'm thinking, finally, a little peace, a little quiet, being on my own - all good things, right?

Well, this is just a hypothesis, as I am NOT a trained medical professional, but...

When I am running a stress marathon (meaning, a long distance of abnormally high stress), I typically get sick when it is over or very close to being over. My body is tired, my mind is tired and it all just sort of gives up for a bit.

So it happened today... I developed a cough on Friday. Had it Saturday. Got worse last night. MUCH worse today. Left work early to go to the Dr, took some chest x-rays, and low and behold, I am told I have pneumonia.

How much does that suck? I'm only four hours into about 3 more days (at a minimum) that I am recommended to not work and remain on bed rest. And I'm already ready to start making my dog clothes, because I'm SO fucking bored.

Anyone have any suggestions to pass the time?

Oh - and also - I took a cue from my friend Matt and also my friend Allan out in SF...So it's not that long yet, but hey, it's a start... and so convenient with pneumonia and all? I love it how a master plan comes together!

My Stats:
Your Quit Date is: 10/2/2006 7:00:00 AM

Time Smoke-Free: 13 hours, 44 minutes and 7 seconds

Cigarettes NOT smoked: 4

Lifetime Saved: a bit

Money Saved: $0.70