gina's fingers go on south beach diet

so I was typing a post and I have fat fingers...ok, well, maybe they're not fat. I guess they could be called full-figured. I type fast. It's uncanny. Did you go look this word up? I did. Who knew? My gross WPM is around 85. Now that I know the definition of uncanny (thanks m-w! I love ya like my fat fingers love cake!), perhaps 85 is not so uncanny. Maybe 120 is?

so I was typing a post and I have full-figured fingers...I have a history of while typing during the work day of not being mindful of my full-figured phalanges. so I'm typing and my phalanges go off like Ludacris in a Missy Elliott track, and then my word document or email is showing all kinda crazy formatting marks.

what have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this?

I have NO clue. And my big-girl digits aren't making a peep. But they know. I know they know. And they know I know they know. Oh snap - ITS ON NOW. I pick up the phone to our help desk. Sometimes I get lucky and they know the answer right away and sometimes not so much. I envision the call centers having pictures of their Most Wanted up on the wall for all to see. They've dubbed me Fat Finger Phil. That name is SO obvious, but it also fits, unlike my obese distal phalanges on the keys of my laptop.

OK WAIT!

how fucking funny is that? No not the post. I'm not THAT self-serving. Close, but no skinny finger. I so wish I could do a webcam and capture some of the dumb shit that goes on in my life. I'll have to retell it and you just be creative and laugh some.

I was thinking I should rename the title of this post. It was "gina has fat fingers". So I clicked in the box (how's the pH in your box?) to edit the title. No sooner had a I deleted to the point where the title was just "gina" did these unruly fat fucks revolt and all of a sudden, I think I'm typing " 's " after gina, and I see the progress notice that my post is processing! You can't let your guard down for a second. They are ruthless.

so I was typing a post and I have doughy digits...but this was my first attempt at a post today, way back earlier, almost an hour ago. I had been surfing off PhyllisMGabor's blog over to other blogs she finds noteworthy. I'm learning she's one classy lady. I trust her as much as I trust EPT. When it said I was pregnant, I snubbed out the butt I was nursing and stopped smoking immediately, all together. All because I read in a tiny pamphlet inside the cigarette pack that smoking is dangerous to pregnant women. But that's another suitcase in another hall.

so I was typing my original post and I have pudgy pfingers, but it got too deep and philosophical... not hot. Again, these fat fucks revolt and all of a sudden my entire post is gone. And for those of you who live for Ctrl-Z as the shortcut for undo... it don't work so good in the posting window for blogger. DEVIL! But now that I reflect a moment - I'm gonna give that one to the relentless bastards.

so I've figured out how to solve all of this. It will take a whole lot of patience and time.

to do it
to do it
to do it
to do it
to do it
to do it right
my fingers will not touch carbs
my fingers will not touch carbs
my fingers will not touch carbs
my fingers will not touch carbs
(all sung to the tune of "I've Got My Mind Set On You" by Sir Paul McCartney) I'll come back to this whole ridiculous Sir business some other post, I just really haven't got the time today, as I'm so busy! I don't know how to say this, but... I'm kind of a big deal. People KNOW me.)

my fingers are going on south beach diet. Hence forth, I can't put these fat fucks in contact with any carbs. So any carbs that I eat will be consumed directly from the plate into my mouth. If you ever watched A Christmas Story, think of Ralphie's little brother eating his mashed potatoes like a good little piggy.

so my original point was to visit this blog: iprobablyhateyou. I have no clue who he is, but he's a clever observationist, if not a little cruel. hot.

addendum: 1.7.2006 17:42 - after a day of intermittently surfing all over the web, I found several other blogs that comment on and feud with iprobablyhateyou. One was cleverly named iprobablyoutweighyou, but don't think it's been posted to in a while. It's like reading scripts for Passions! It got a little depressing for me after a while though, be forewarned. But maybe they are all friends and are just totes Judy!